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Planning Your Wedding

Initial Meeting with the Priest

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As bride and groom, you have a unique opportunity to discuss many happy feelings with your priest. At your initial meeting, in addition to setting the wedding date and planning the liturgy, share your joy and optimism with the priest. If you are not on a familiar and friendly basis with your priest, take the time to introduce yourselves, and share a little bit about what you do and your history. Learn about the priest -- ask him about his history and about how he feels about the Sacrament of Marriage. Discuss your reasons for marrying at this time, to this person, under your own special circumstances. Sharing this information with the priest will enhance the celebration and will make your day a special one.

Open and honest communication is the best way to incorporate the spirit of your love and the spirit of God. The Church is a strong proponent of marriage. To be married is so important to the Church that it is a Sacrament. Be free to express your feelings of love and exuberance to the priest and invite him to take part in your happiness.

What to Expect the Priest to Say

First, the priest will be very happy for you. The Sacrament of Marriage is a joyful event in the parish and the priest is very appreciative that you have chosen this path in life.

Secondly, it is the obligation of the priest to kindly ascertain some answers from you as a couple. These issues are meant to ground your relationship in reality for the best possible start in the union. This is called the Pre-nuptial inquiry.

  1. Are you both "free" to marry? That is, are you unmarried now and over eighteen years of age?
  2. Do you both understand the commitment of marriage: the nature, ends and essential properties of marriage?
  3. Are you both able to live out that commitment without impediment?

Thirdly, several documents are required. It may take a few weeks or even months to acquire these, which makes planning ahead a good idea. Depending on the local parish or diocese customs, all or some of the following list may be needed:

  1. Baptismal certificates of both parties (even non-Catholics) issued for marriage purposes and dates no earlier than six months prior to the wedding. (If these are absolutely not available, do to a fire or other viable reason, a sworn statement may suffice.)
  2. Marriage license from the civil registrar's office, which includes the application of the two parties. This is obtainable from your local government, look in the telephone book under "marriage licenses."
  3. Letter of freedom of pastors and parents.
  4. Permission of parents if a party is under eighteen years of age.
  5. Certificate of Attendance at a Marriage Preparation course.
  6. For widows and widowers, an authentic certificate of death of their departed spouses with whom they were married and a marriage certificate of the previous wedding.
  7. Declaration of Nullity, if previously married.

Fourth is planning the Marriage Preparation Course. There are several to chose from. The priest will work with you to determine which one may be most applicable to you as a couple.

Fifth, determine the date of the wedding.

Sixth, plan the liturgy. Together, you can decide if you will celebrate with a full Mass or with a simple wedding ceremony. Let the priest know exactly what you and your families would prefer and why. Choose the readings carefully so that the ceremony can be celebrated with particular meaning to you as a couple.

Seventh, your priest may ask you to schedule the sacrament of Reconciliation prior to the wedding day. The chief effects of the sacrament of Matrimony are an increase in sanctifying grace and an indissoluble bond of marriage. In order to achieve the sanctifying grace, Reconciliation is required.

Eighth: the practical matters. The priest will usually refer you to work with others in planning the use of the facility, the music provisioning, the alter boys, flowers for the alter, candles, wedding booklets, and other volunteers. You will be given contact names and numbers to use at your earliest convenience. The question of gratuities (organist, alter boys, et al) should be discussed and the priest will indicate the local customs followed.

Ninth, a question and answer time. If you have questions of any nature, the priest will be happy to answer them and to leave the door open for any future concerns you may have. Last, the priest will probably want to meet with you at least once again for several reasons. After you have attended the Marriage Preparation course, you may have questions for the priest. You must submit all the documents you've collected. There may be a relationship issue between you that could be discussed with the priest during this preparation period. There may be family, in-law, step-parent issues that should be addresses before the wedding and the priest can help you handle these. Your priest would like to show moral support for your marriage and to be a part of the celebration.

The Church shares your joy and wants to help you to enjoy your wedding celebration and subsequent life as a married couple.